I'm Alone

Life was hard today. I felt tension. I felt pressured.
I wished I could tell out everything to her about how I feel today but I do not have the opportunity.

Work was stress and but became even more stress when working with weird attitude people. It is not fun anymore. I'm so tired.

I missed the past.
I missed the moments when she came by and sat beside me looking and chat with me.
I missed the time when we waited for each other to go back together.
I missed the journey to the store or receiving with her.
I missed the way she looked at me.
I missed her care for me.
I missed her looking me in the eyes saying she love me.
I missed her saying she missed me.
I missed her hugs

I'm very down and tension.
I wanted to shout out loud into the air.
My work life and love life has ruin badly.
I do not know the word happy anymore.

I wished I could sleep forever and not to think of all the problems again.
I really wish she could hug me tightly right now. I wanted your care so much.

But I know it's not going to happen again.

Immature

"You are not matured"
That's what she told me.
She called me immature after all the things that I've sacrifice for her.

Does she ever wonder why I would be angry at small things like not eating lunch with me? Does she ever think or stand at my side of view?

I was angry when I found out that yesterday that I actually could eat lunch with her alone. Her colleague had join his friends. But she did not call me and let me know at all. If she's angry and call me not mature just about this then I can accept. But does she knows what this day really mean to me? The day when I can eat alone with her? The day where I've waited everyday?

She told me to give her the bracelet back to her when her colleague won't join for lunch. I've been waiting since then. I wanted to wear the bracelet that I bought for her with my own hands. I've been waiting and waiting for this day to come.

I've been planning for a long time to leave her. Everyday I'm suffering from this decision. My heart does not want to leave her but the environment force me to. I have sleepless nights. I sigh whenever I can. I kept thinking of a better way for us but all lead to the same solution which is to leave her.

I've finally made my decision and this is the final week. I was hoping that I could eat with her alone the last time before I confess. I wish I could put on the bracelet for the first time and the last time.

But all that plan came to nothing when I found out she did not call me for lunch yesterday when I had the opportunity. She told me she's going out with her ex-colleague.
When I knew about it, I got angry and she too got angry back at me. After I knew the reasons behind her anger, I felt wrong and apologies.

I finally confessed and told her I will leave her from today onwards and never to involve in her life again. Today's 4 hours was like hell when I cut her from my heart. At this moments, I knew I can't live without her. I really can't.

It took me a while to dial-up, and finally I did. I wanted to say sorry for my misunderstanding about the lunch and the reason why I angry. I wanted to tell her if I could take back the confession because I can't go on without her.

She called me immature instead. She thought I confessed just because she did not want to eat lunch with me. I was disappointed. She should be the one who understands me more than anyone. My heart really hurts.