Her mood was not good these few days.
I got shouted by her a few times.
Each time she did that infront of people, it's like taking a knife and poke into my heart.
But I didn't blame her at all. I understand what she's going through.
Today she told me some of our colleagues suspect our relationship. I know this has made her unhappy and I know that I'm causing that indirectly. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I can't control myself from seeing you.
I'm sorry that I went up to your table always just to make me feel close to you.
I'm sorry that because the fear of loosing you I tried my best to spend all the 24 hours that I got everyday with you fully whenever I can.
I have never meant to make you unhappy. I always wanted you to be the most happy person.
Recently I have sleepless nights or should I say I have been forcing myself to have sleepless nights? Each new day that I enters meaning I'm another step close to that day. By not sleeping or sleep less, hours will move slower, day will come later. All the while the very first thing that came into my mind when I wakes every morning is definitely her.
Last time is like that, now is still like that, and future is going to be like that as well.
But the different are ..
Last time I'm happy that I can see her smile today.
Now, I'll miss her so much and suddenly realized that I'm another step nearer.
And for the future......
I'm not sure anymore what's my direction is, what's my purpose are.
What I know is,
I will not have her smile to seek anymore.
I will not have worries of losing her anymore because I've already lost her.
I will not have a dream because dream does not exists anymore from the day she left me.
All that is left with me will be my deepest love deepest regret that I can't get it out from my heart that will suffer me throughout eternity life.
Day by day, the feeling of loosing her has made me felt more and more useless. I'm starting to doubt my own strength. Blaming myself for not being able to win her. Blaming myself that I'm 5 years too late. I hate myself for not being able to provide her anything. I disliked myself that I can't do anything at all but just know to sit and wait for the day to come and let go the girl that I loved most leave my side..
I hate myself!
I got shouted by her a few times.
Each time she did that infront of people, it's like taking a knife and poke into my heart.
But I didn't blame her at all. I understand what she's going through.
Today she told me some of our colleagues suspect our relationship. I know this has made her unhappy and I know that I'm causing that indirectly. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I can't control myself from seeing you.
I'm sorry that I went up to your table always just to make me feel close to you.
I'm sorry that because the fear of loosing you I tried my best to spend all the 24 hours that I got everyday with you fully whenever I can.
I have never meant to make you unhappy. I always wanted you to be the most happy person.
Recently I have sleepless nights or should I say I have been forcing myself to have sleepless nights? Each new day that I enters meaning I'm another step close to that day. By not sleeping or sleep less, hours will move slower, day will come later. All the while the very first thing that came into my mind when I wakes every morning is definitely her.
Last time is like that, now is still like that, and future is going to be like that as well.
But the different are ..
Last time I'm happy that I can see her smile today.
Now, I'll miss her so much and suddenly realized that I'm another step nearer.
And for the future......
I'm not sure anymore what's my direction is, what's my purpose are.
What I know is,
I will not have her smile to seek anymore.
I will not have worries of losing her anymore because I've already lost her.
I will not have a dream because dream does not exists anymore from the day she left me.
All that is left with me will be my deepest love deepest regret that I can't get it out from my heart that will suffer me throughout eternity life.
Day by day, the feeling of loosing her has made me felt more and more useless. I'm starting to doubt my own strength. Blaming myself for not being able to win her. Blaming myself that I'm 5 years too late. I hate myself for not being able to provide her anything. I disliked myself that I can't do anything at all but just know to sit and wait for the day to come and let go the girl that I loved most leave my side..
I hate myself!
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