I Miss You Like Crazy

"Rang Wo Pei Ni Tao Zui Hou, Wo Bu Hui Fang Shou"

I'm listening to this song right now.
It means "Let me accompany you until the end, I won't let go"

Even it's the end, I will not let go my heart for you.
This is my decision I've made for life.
Nothing will ever change this.

I know that sooner or later, we're going to be separated. I can't see you anymore, I can't listen to your voice anymore. I can't hold you anymore, I can't kiss you anymore. It seems like the end. I can't sing for you anymore.

But let me tell you one thing, my love for you will never end. Because there's no end in it. I will continue to love you for eternity.

Maybe this is a punishment from God from the bad things that I did in the past life?
This life I have to stay and see the person that I love so much marry other people and I can only love her from afar.

Soh Poh, please remember that you will always have a soh lou loving you. No matter when or where. He will always be ready to protect you. Always ready to make you happy when you're sad. Always ready to take up the guitar and learn to play songs just to sing for you.

"Miss You Like Crazy"

I used to call you my girl
I used to call you my friend
I used to call you the love
The love that I never had
When I think of you
I don't know what to do
When will I see you again

I miss you like crazy
Even More than words can say
I miss you like crazy
Every minute of every day
Girl I'm so down when your love's not around
I miss you, miss you, miss you
I miss you like crazy
You are all that I want
You are all that I need
Can't you see how I feel
Can't you see that my pain's so real
When I think of you
I don't know what to do
When will I see you again

I Miss you like crazy Soh Poh!

Greatest Regret

Friday night, normally I would be having dinner with her this day. I would drive her around and hold her hands tightly.

But it has changed. Her voice is the only thing that is left. And I'm not sure when I'm going to loose that too. I will not let her suffer. I definitely can't see her in pain. I can't let her not happy. I don't want to be her pressure.

I love her. She is my first priority. Always.
I will do anything as long as she feels comfortable with.
I won't lie, it's going to be very very hard for me. But I'm willing to take all that for her. I'm willing to take up the pressure from her. I'm willing to be alone so that she could concentrate on her relationship.

This is the first time I sacrifice myself so much for a girl.
She's not just some girl. She's my love.
She always asked me if I treat my ex the same as her?

I want to marry you soh poh! I want to spent the rest of my life with you soh poh! I want to share my sadness and happiness with you soh poh!

Well, I did say I want to share my sadness and happiness with my ex before. But I didn't say I want to marry her. I did not say I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
So do you still think that you're the same with her?
I would give my whole life for you.
Just for you alone.

Even if I had to take up the greatest suffer but in return can make you happy, I would say I'm willing and ready to do that for you.

It's been a while I did not kiss you.
I miss that so much. There's so much love that I want to give you.
I want to hug you when you're sad.
I want to be by your side when your face is pain.
I want to lend my shoulder to you when you're tired.
I want to be there to let you scold and hug when you're frustrated of work.

There were many regrets in my life before, but ..

"Will you marry me soh poh?"

This question will be my greatest regret in life because I will never have a chance to ask you that forever and ever.

Punishment Day 2

Things were almost better today.
We met at the same time when we're on the way to breakfast in the office.
She helped me take roti canai.
She joked to me.
She called me a few times, even it's regarding work. I could hear her voice.

But there was one time when she said thank you after talking, my heart felt so squeeze and pain. My eyes were suddenly filled with water.
Imagine the person who you love so much tells you thank you and talked to you as if you were a stranger.

She called me for lunch today. I was happy!
I could see her. I thought I would be eating without her again today.
Everything kind of went smoothly until after lunch.

My feelings were troubled when her best colleague 'teman' her to park car. I know it's nothing but it's just some feelings that everyone would react when seeing love ones with other guy. I mean I'm the one that is suppose to 'teman' her to park car right? If it is me, I would take the car and park it for her so that she won't have to walk under the sun.

Kind of down for a while after that lunch but everything seems to be disappear when she suddenly brought in a box of cake and put in on my table. My heart felt so sweet. But because of these too sweetness that made me lost my control over my feelings, to be exact, jealousy. Not sure why I'm acting like that today.

I overheard over the phone that not only I got the cake but she bought it for her "kai yeh" also. Felt jealous and sms her to tell her that. I guess I made the wrong move. She seems angry after that. I've light up again the fire that was supposedly slowing down.

Tambai me!

"Fine!, Next time I will not buy!"

That's what she replied me. Straight away I know I'm in deep deep shit! (again)
She never reply me after that.

Clock tick and 5 o clock was there. She would usually leave the office around that time.

But today she was late, around 5.30 .. I thought she would be back by that time so I didn't purpose stand beside the cub to see her. I was walking around to take some papers that I've printed. Surprisingly When I was on the way back to my cub, she was there scanning out.

At least I get to see her today. Another least expected.

- Accidentally met her on the way to Morning breakfast
- Accidentally met her on the time where she would already be driving back at usual day after work.

I really miss you soh poh!

Tonight was no luck. I called her 5 times but she did not pick up at all. She was really angry. But I missed her. I want to hear her voice so much. I couldn't sleep.

The only sms that I got tonight was

"Not feel like talking to you today"

My heart was poke and it's going to leave a hole tonight.
I know I shouldn't react like that today.
Maybe one of the reason is I miss you too much that made me go crazy.

But still, I deserved the punishment tonight.

End of Punishment day 2.

Punishment Day 1

Today was tough. I've been struggling to go through the day. Whole day without reply from her. Only a glimpse of her during breakfast and also after lunch when she's back. I could only see her back walking towards the office. But that glimpse supplied me enough energy to go another mile.

There was a few times when I did want to go up stairs and find her. to take a look at her. I know if I do that, she'll be angry more so end up I did not. All I could do was just keep on sending her sms hoping that she could reply me.

Like I said, today was very tough but it became more easier every time when she did something for me. During breakfast, she left me a bread. She took her own plates. Both of that action made me survive the first half of the day.

Today was a punishment, and she was not suppose to sms or call me at all for the next three days. Even if I survived the first half, I still have another 2nd half to go. At this time, I unexpectedly received her email saying that she won't be joining for lunch today. It's weird, at normal days, I would felt unhappy and sad because I couldn't see her during lunch time but today was different, That email appeared when I least expected it. I was happy when I saw her name appeared in my INBOX. That made me survived another lunch time.

But that was only sufficient for lunch time. How about the second half? I was back at the office around 1.10Pm. First thing that I did when I reached the carpark was looked for her car. Noticed that she hasn’t come back yet. So I kept pretending walking outside my cubicle hoping that I could at least see her when she's back from lunch. Even a 1 second glimpse was also enough for me to last the next horrible hours. Finally like what I expected, I saw her coming back but only managed to see her back. Well. that's more than enough for a guy who is still under punishment.

But second half was really tiring and havoc. I'm so tired and pressured with all the work. I wanted so much for her to be at my side that time so that I could lay my head on her. I smsed her telling her that but there was no reply. But I'm very sure that she was also thinking of me and hoping that she could come over right away to hug me even she did not reply my sms.

I miss her.

I couldn't stand it anymore and smsed her asking her if I could call her tonight.

I did not expect any reply as usual but she surprised me again.

she replied

" Forget the punishment already?"

Well, doesn't really sound good but at least she replied.

I thought that I could sleep without hearing her voice but I can't. I decided to call her hoping she could pick up. But she didn't.

I was sad. I knew today was punishment day. I knew I deserved it.

But surprises keep coming in a row.
She smsed me saying good night to me and that she's going to sleep now.
I was satisfied with this sms. At least something for me to go through the night.

Well, it doesn't end there. She called! I was so happy when I see her name appeared on the handphone that I was holding. Quickly I pick up and when I listened to her voice, my hearts calmed.

I felt the way she felt when I did not sms her. I know my fault already. Today was horrible.
I can't imagine I got another 2 days to go.
I hope that I could be forgiven a little earlier.

Punishment Day 1 ends.